Track 12 - Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

I stand in front of a mirror and gaze at the reflection that holds my analytical stare. Who is this man that looks back at me. Do I really know who he is? Recently I read a book that brought up a topic of one’s true name. The protagonist needed to discover his true name to overcome a significant obstacle. A true name in the sense of the book was a name defined by attributes positive and negative that made up one’s self. To learn one’s true name required an absolute understanding of who an individual is. I have been thinking a lot about that question lately. Who am I and am I who I want to be?

Yes, I know who I am in a very superficial sense. I can spout out all my personal stats. I know I was born in Salem, Oregon to Tom and Margi. I have an older sister and three younger brothers. I know that I grew up spending much of my youth playing sports and trying to develop other minor talents such as playing the piano and saxophone and attempting to learn Spanish, an ability that required complete immersion for two years to finally master. As I examine my image in the mirror, I can tell you that I have dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. I am eight pounds heavier than I would like to be and frustrated with my lack of six-pack abs. I can complain about my receding hairline over my temples and how I too frequently enjoy the company of an ingrown toenail on my already unattractive feet. Yes, I can recite my physical stats and pick apart the undesirable qualities as quickly as the next. That is not telling me anything about my true self.

I dive deeper. I know that I love people for all their quirks and intricacies. I make friends easily and generally want to make others happy. I love to entertain and be the center of attention. I worry about being successful and stable a condition directly correlated to being laid off twice in the last three years. I do not worry about exceeding in my employment opportunities but more so over the stability of them. As a result, I spend more and more time setting goals and plans to eliminate economic dependence on a single employer. A desire for a family and children is a subtle dull pain that resides darkly inside and never seems to fully subside but is no match to the bullying and dominate insatiable quest to find the “perfect” helpmate. I am innately good but struggle with temptations and shortcomings. That is closer but it still does not extinguish my curiosity and wonderment.

I guess the question is do I see the same person my mother sees. Am I living up to the potential and being that they hoped I’d be or believe I can be. But, why stop there? Even that is just a perception of a third party that truly cannot control the outcome nor knows who I really am and all the abilities that I should be cultivating. So I go to the top. I want to know if the man I see and am is the same man that God sees and knows I am. Do they match or while I stumble around this work in progress, on lazy feet and with clumsy hands, am I creating a piece of art that one day will fulfill its true measure of it’s creation? I hope so.

Track 11 - Fair Games

Imagine sitting in hotel ballroom after hotel ballroom listening to the same four hour presentation over and over. It sounds exciting doesn't it. I will attach the sign up sheet so you can get on board with this. It's an opportunity that you don't want to miss. During the days, there are multiple hours of sitting at the sales table waiting for the sales break. That's when my ADHA kicks in and I begin thinking of ways to past the time other than the normal internet surfing, texting, and facebooking. Last night I came up with the best game yet. Here is what I saw:

I have always loved carnival games. I used to get so excited to go to the state fair because I wanted to play the midway games. My favorites were the spray the clown in the mouth and race to the top and the Kentucky Derby ball game. It didn't matter that the games were completely rigged in favor of the house and that I was paying $25 for 70 cents worth of fabric and sawdust. I think like a winner and I knew I'd win... eventually. When I saw the tray of glasses all I thought was glass bottles and little rings. Just gotta get one ringer and the giant panda would be going home with me! I approached my two fellow sales guys and pitched the challenge. Each player would attempt to land a fruit snack in one of the glasses from across the room. The last player to make one had to drink the remnants of the "winning" glasses. Yes, I know, that is disgusting. But if you are worried about that, you are thinking with a losers mentality and as a winner, I really wanted to see one of my cohorts drink backwash of strange seminar attendees.

Just as believed, I did not lose. Mike was the sad sap that had to drink two half-full (hope you caught the optimistic insert) cups. These were the two he drew. An empty coffee cup and a water glass.

I think I threw up in my mouth and passed out due to oxygen deprivation from laughing so hard. The food for thought from this blog post is to think like a winner. That's the secret.

Track 10 - Back At It

Its a different day and a different story. That's what makes life worth living. Can you imagine a life that everyday is the same? No thank you. Yes I love Groundhog's Day as much as the next man but that is the best Hollywood could do to romanticize the idea. For most of us, it would be terminally boring.

I am in a ballroom in Allentown, PA working. Some people take working for granted. I don't. I have a new appreciation of the daily grind. Working for the man has never been more fulfilling. Here's the explanation. I have never been fired from a job. O contraire, I exceed expectations of my employers. How is it, that at 32 years old, I have been laid off not once but twice?! Those unfortunate events may reek havoc on some individuals confidence. Not mine, I have an eternal optimist. I believe that I will always land on my feet. In fact, the day I was laid off most recently, I took off on a two week road trip. No job searching, networking or resume touch ups. Instead, it was open road and familiar faces.

Today, as I sit at work bored like many of you on a work day waiting for the clock on the wall to free me from employed incarceration, I have a half smile on my face because it feels good to be employed. Paychecks will be flowing weekly and my frequent flyer miles will continue to grow. I am happy that my public life and societal contributions firmed up. The draw back, my personal/social life once again takes a back seat. How will this affect my search for "her". We will see. I'll keep ya posted.

Track 9 - Big (uh) O

Adversity can tell you a lot about a person. Everyone handles it differently. An example from my life would be when I went camping when I was 18. That night we had a couple uninvited visitors in the shape of black bears. They were brushing by the tent, sniffing and lapping the tongues around. I thought for sure they saw Haribo or Black Forrest printed on our tent and I instantly thought it was payback for all the delicious gummy cousins of these two I had devoured. The interesting part of this traumatic experience was the demonstration of different personalities. I dealt with the stress by attempting to be funny, lighten the situation a tad bit and ease the tension. One girl dealt with it by crying unconsolably. A young man I didn't know very well became rude and bossy. And finally, one guy showed courage (at the time I thought it was masked by stupidity) and selflessness. He informed the rest of us that if a bear opened the tent, he was going to throw himself at it while the rest of us escaped. Fortunately, it never came to that but it was an interesting sociological experiment.

Recently I took the short 530 mile drive from Salt Lake City to Denver to visit the family. In the passenger seat was my navigator, a special young lady that was brave enough to accept an invitation to hang with my parentals and me for the weekend. Here is the tie back, 25 miles outside of Laramie, WY we heard a currrrplunk and smoke billowed out from underneath my beloved Subaru. I love my car. I take good care of it. There was no reason why I should be mosquito dusting behind my car. Like it or not, we were broken down on the side of highway.

I got on the phone to call a tow truck and Miss MVP got on the phone too. Before I was off, she had found a mechanic that was open and had them committed to looking at my car that night. By the time we rolled up to the garage, it was 945 PM and we were going to be stuck in Laramie for the night. That's when I saw another side of my travel companion. Positivity. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Find the silver lining. Turn that frown upside down and smile that frown away. I was so impressed. Our plans were shot. We were stuck in a cowboy town with no car eating sandwiches from Wal-mart. I would have understood had we both been grouchy and frustrated. That wasn't the case.

I try to start people off in a positive light. Everyone starts OK with me. From there some people go up and others go down. Adversity lets us really see into who others are. Life is hard. It is full of trials and unexpected twists. It is how we handle these situations that make us who we are. At times I worry that my generation has had it too soft and we are a bunch of entitled little whiners wanting the whole world to pat us on the butt and say here you go kid, good job. It is refreshing each time that my theory is proven false.

Track 8 - Hats, Bats, and Flats

Thirty-two years old and laid off twice. Some people might start to get very discouraged. I just accept it as part of the career fields I have chosen, sports and entertainment and sales. Both are notorious for layoffs as the economy ebbs and flows. It is getting old. I have never been fired. To the contrary, I have always received praise and accolades for my work ethic and drive. I was laid off from the Nuggets because I was making too much money in a non-essential position. The most recent layoff was just bad luck. I unknowingly jumped onto a sinking ship. StoresOnline, is no longer a seminar company. That does not bode well for a seminar salesman. Last Tuesday my company told me without as much directness and articulation as Queen of Hearts in Alice In Wonderland but with the same final result, "Off with their heads!!!"

Now what? Many of my coworkers went into panic mode or self-preservation mode. Frantic calls to others to hear what their plans were and texts going out as quickly as their fat fingers can navigate their smart phone touch keyboards to networking associates regarding possible open positions filled the air. What did I do? Hung up the phone from the conference call mumbled, "well that sucked," turned up my tunes on the stereo, and turned my car south and headed for sunnier locations. Road trip!!!!

Hats, bats, and flats. That is the name of my road trip. Hats because I am wearing many different hats during the trip:

friend and ex-mission comp

brother

uncle

Food critic

wheel-man

surfer

and as always eye-candy for the ladies.

The bats part was a bit of a surprise. I am a huge sports fan but not a huge baseball fan. I enjoy baseball because it is summer time and I like being outside in the warm evenings. I think baseball is great because it doesn't require a lot of focus to follow and is very slow moving which makes it easy for me to feed my ADHD on my phone, with binoculars, or day-dreaming. Friday, I dropped my brother and sister-in-law off at LAX. They are headed to Hawaii. Thanks for the invite guys... jerks. It was early evening and my buddy had to work late so I needed to find something to do. It just so happened that the Dodgers were in town so I bought a ticket and went.

Notice the Dodger blue. I didn't want to end up like that Giants fan.

The next day we decided to have a marathon activity day. We got up and went surfing for an hour. I am a natural born surfer and when I say that what I really mean is, I am terrible! Immediately after surfing we drove down PCH to Sunset Beach and paddle boarded the harbor. In Florida, I had seen a pair of red Rainbow sandals and I wanted them. Unfortunately, when I got to the register, I discovered I had left my credit card at the restaurant. Utah doesn't have an abundance of good surf shops, I don't know why with all the Californian wannabes there, you would think we'd have a whole mini Huntington Beach promenade. Lucky for me, Rainbows are made in San Clemente, CA, only about 40 miles from where I was and they had the factory store. We cruised down there and bought my new flip flops and then headed to Anaheim for an Angels game.

Notice the Angels red. I am a chameleon.

By this time, I decided that I would try and watch a baseball game in each destination. In fact, the Angels game was the third game I went to that week. I was at the Bees game, Triple A affiliate of the LA Angels, on Monday the 4th of July.

Sunday was my travel day. I left Seal Beach, CA and drove 949 miles to Salem, OR to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Salem has a single A affiliate of the SF Giants so that will do.

It was my niece's first baseball game. She was into it. Even started keeping stats. You know those asians love their numbers!

I think you understand the bats part now. But what is the flats all about? Well, a certain friend of mine wished a horrific accident on me. I have driven over 2000 miles already on my trip. Before leaving, she noticed that my tires were pretty close to bald. I explained they were my racing slicks. She told me they were going to blow out, flip my car, and I would end up upside down in the middle of the highway. Don't you put that voodoo on me Ricky Bobby! Sure enough, what do you think happened?

This picture was taken the moment the tire blew out.

You should all know, I am finishing this track strapped into my car by my safety belt upside down on highway 22 in Oregon. Please send help!

Track 7 - Bad News

Why is the phrase, "we gotta talk," almost always followed by bad news. Here's an example, you're dating a pretty young lady and you think everything is going great. You have plans to hang out so you throw on a new t-shirt, jeans and your favorite kicks accessorized with a smile and head over to her house only to be greeted with a "we gotta talk." Might as well have filled your shoes with annoying little pebbles, because instantly you are uncomfortable and you know what's coming. Dang it, this is going to suck!!

Last week, I was out cruising around northern Indiana. Temperature was above pleasant. Humidity was just below a steam room. Hair was frizzy and standing on end like I had stuck a staple in the outlet again like I did in 5th grade. Sitting shotgun in the Kia minivan I could have really used a new york cabbie's beaded seat. Life was fantastic. Minutes later, I was sitting through my speaker's seminar, and received an email from my boss. In not so many words, it said, "we gotta talk." Whaaaaaaa? Luckily, it was to the whole sales staff and not just me but the feeling was a familiar one, dang it, this is going to suck!!

Ok ok, I will jump ahead in the story and just get to it. My company always takes a summer and christmas sales break. I knew the summer sales break was going to be 5 weeks long. Sounded great. I was planning to regress back to summertime in Elementary school before I had to work and all I worried about was whether I wanted to ride my bike, go to the pool or build a fort. Five weeks, piece of cake. A welcome extended vacation. A quick trip to Ohio and a week in Florida that was all that stood between me and Never Never Land. In other words, I was dressed in my new T-shirt, jeans and favorite kicks and knocking on that lovely ladies door. Then, the "we gotta talk" email. Stupid "we gotta talk."

This is the news. The company has decided to extend the summer break out to 10 weeks. Yikes. In addition, they are dumping 20% of our routes and reducing the sales staff. Double and triple yikes! I am not that old and I have already been laid off once. To hear that layoffs are looming is disconcerting. Jobs are hard to come by. I don't think there is anything I like less than job hunting, ok, maybe having tiny rocks in my shoes but that's about it. Hello panic, you unwelcome friend. I did not miss you but I see you standing on my porch. My boyish jovial summer just turned into a sit and wait for the call to the gallows. I have no idea what the outcome will be. I am staying hopeful but dang it, this is going to suck!!

Track 6 - Hero

On May 21, 1998 nearly a year before the Columbine shooting, a boy named Kip Kinkel walked into Thurston High School in Springfield, OR and opened fire. He killed two students and injured 22 others. I remember the event not for the horrifying act itself but for the story within the story. The part of the story that stuck out to me and burned a permanent scar in my memory and I think of it often is how it ended. Kip's rifle ran out of ammunition after firing more than four dozen rounds. In the few seconds that the shooter began to reload, Jacob Ryker, sprang to action. He had already been injured but it didn't stop him. He tackled Kinkel taking another bullet to the chest but managed to disarm him and hold him down until the police arrived. Who knows how many students owe their lives to the courage of their fellow classmate, Jacob Ryker.

I travel each week. Being on the road and coming in contact with so many people I have often had the thought, could I be a hero? I think I could. In fact, I have committed to being one when the time comes if it ever does. My father taught me that if I make up my mind ahead of time, when the decision making moment arrives, the choice has already been made. My fellow sales guys and I have tossed the idea around. The fear exists that one day a disgruntled former attendee will emerge with a gun and start shooting in one of the meetings. There are crazy people out there. My mind is made up in the face of peril I am not going to hesitate, hide, or run. I'm taking the sucker down like United flight 93. I almost had my chance.

I was working in southern Mississippi in a ballroom filled with nearly 200 people. I was talking to a pair of attendees in the front of the room when unexpectedly, I heard some women scream and a commotion in the back. Over the microphone, I heard the speaker plead for some help from the crowd. I had no idea what was happening. I shot my eyesight across the crowd and before I could even compute in my mind what was happening I saw another sales rep along with two guests tackle another guy. What happened was the restrained dude started beating up his girlfriend in the middle of our sales break. She ran for cover, trying to get away. His pursuit was determined and vicious. He knocked a table out of the way. Grabbed the girl by her hair and yanked her around while the crowd tried to stop him and then.... it was all over as quickly as it had begun. I didn't have the chance to Jake the Snake Roberts flying body slam him. But here's the thing, I was ready and willing to. I can almost say I'm desirous to be a hero. So if you are ever out when tragedy strikes, just hope that I'm somewhere near because if I'm going down, I'm going down in a blaze of glory!