Track 5 - Is Missing

Missing someone is a strange feeling. Really, I don't think it makes much sense at all. What is there to miss? I can understand an amputee saying they really miss their right leg or left arm. I bet life was a whole lot easier before always having to pay twice as much as you need to for things like having to buy two shoes. What do they need a right shoe for? But to say you miss someone, baffling. I'm sure you didn't miss the person before you met them. Whoa, before you jump all over me, I know, I love that line in The Wedding Date when Nick says, "I think I'd miss you even if we had never met," too. It tickles my romantic bone. But really, you can't miss something you never have experienced. I can't say I miss speaking Baule. I never even been to the Ivory Coast much less spoken their second most common language.

Missing someone is accepting codependency. My whole life I have ultimately depended on me. Even when I was a babe, I had to breathe, I had to swallow the food my mother shoved in my sometimes unwilling mouth, and I had to dodge the cars like frogger when crossing the street. All of a sudden, sitting in your rocking chair on the porch of your life you realize that you feel a void. The void being created by the lack of presence of another human being. Why? That's the moment that you should really miss independence. You are no longer satisfied with just being yourself. Your own thoughts are no longer sufficient entertainment. You have given up freedom and are now reliant on second-hand happiness.

Silly it is. Perhaps sad too. What a waste of emotion to put such stock in the company of another. How does it happen? How does someone impact us to the point that missing someone can creep in like the winter air through the crack between the door and floor. You didn't invite it. You don't even want it inside. But, it forced its way in anyways. Ugh, stupid Missing.

To miss someone wrecks an otherwise calm, peaceful, and pleasant evening. Instead of enjoying a plate of nachos and not having to worry about the other person inevitably grabbing the best, middle, cheese smothered chip you had been saving for just the right moment, you sit there and wish for it. I once had someone tell me, "It's kind of funny how when you're around, I'm nervous. And when you're not, I kind of wish you were." In other words, they miss me. Its bonkers. Sayings like, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Why? Shouldn't presence make the heart grow fonder not the other way around? But, missing someone does that. When I'm missing someone, I miss feeling freewheeling and individualistic and long for those feelings to return.

Here's the kick in the pants, upon contemplating missing someone, I have realized something most intriguing. For how barmy missing someone is, when I don't have someone to miss when they are gone, I miss that feeling even more. I don't ever want to be in a place that I miss, missing.

Track 4 – It’s all about the details

I love details. Maybe its because I’m very visual. I can recall things by picturing them in my mind. I wouldn’t say I have photographic memory but I definitely use a lesser-developed similar skill to record things to memory and also to rate things. For example, I love Disney because every detail is attended to. Hotels are themed. Parks are immaculately landscaped and clean. I even admire the paint jobs on the woodwork and accent pieces. My pleasure taking of small things spills over into all aspects of my life. I love the way the wind blows the hair back off a pretty girl’s face as she swings in the flat light of the evening sun. It amuses me the way the propellers of an EMB120 vibrate the cabin and turn your seat into a massage chair. I think you get it. It is the often over looked details that make life worth living.

I am a happy person. I wake up on the right side of the bed every morning and I attribute a lot of my love for life to appreciating small moments and taking advantage of every opportunity I get. I make it point to appreciate each second I’m given. Does that mean that I don’t waste more than I should? Of course but I also think I live life to the fullest more than most. It is one of the reasons I have taken to my job so much. I am given the chance to visit countless cities. Some are more exciting than others I can honestly admit but everywhere has unique qualities. It becomes a game. Find something interesting, fun, or notable at each stop. Some are easy and others are more difficult than seeing the hidden picture in those Magic Eye 3D pictures.

Let’s go through some of them. In the upper mid-west, they speak with passive language and negative undertones. Here is a simple example. I ask hundreds of people a week, “How are you doing?” What I noticed in Wisconsin is that surprising amounts of people speak backwards. Instead of answering the question with “I’m well or I’m doing great,” they answer with, “Not bad,” as if bad is the norm. That’s just one example but it happens a lot, don’tcha know? In the South, I enjoy how they aren’t scared to slow life down. Shoving as much as they can into each day isn’t their most important priority. Southerners love conversation, family, and NASCAR. Talk about patience. I mean all you are really watching for and waiting to have happen are the crashes. If there aren’t any cars flying through the air and landing on the roof, it’s a pretty boring sporting event, though I admit I watch an astonishing amount of auto racing.

In each town, I go out and explore it. Even if I only have about a half hour I like to drive around the area looking at the downtown and surrounding neighbor hoods. Calgary reminds me a lot of Denver. Greenville, SC has a jewel of a downtown with a tree lined main street and a park with a beautiful waterfall on the Reedy river. Central PA the public is skeptical and cautious from years of blue-collar labor. They appreciate a dollar. It’s not easy come easy go. As you see, I like to learn areas and cultures. It makes my job interesting and each week a new adventure.

So, this is what I’m saying, you always have choices in life. You can focus on what could go wrong or the stresses in your life. You could complain and say your life is boring and uneventful. Just as easily you could do what I try to do and appreciate the details. Moment by moment enjoy it. Just a fleeting second if seen with a grateful observant eye can tint the whole day a brighter color. I don’t want you to be so focused on the destination that you miss the wayside.

Track 3 - Going Deep

Airplanes give you a lot of time to think. Take today for example, I made sure I had a couple DVDs with me to pass the time as I cross the United States in two tin cans that should never be able to fly but somehow do. I was running late because I forgot my phone and had to go back and get it. As I hurried to board the plane I was the last passenger on, yeah, I was that guy. The guy that opens all the over head bins actually expecting to find one empty to store my carry on while everyone else sits there staring at me knowing good and well they are all full because they have been on the plane for 20 mins and Mr. Last-One-On acts surprised to find no room. I gave up my search as the know-it-all college kids scoffed, "they're all full, man." I know but excuse me if I want to feed the insatiable curiosity inside me to open just one more bin. Upon realizing I was that guy, I took my roller back up to the front of the plane and asked the flight attendant to check it for me. Here is where I tie everything together. Moments after sitting down without my bag accessible, I realizes I left my headphones in the carry on. Here I am, laptop, two movies, and no headphones to enjoy them with. Ahead of me lay a three hour flight with no distraction. I mean come on, there is no way I am going to spend the time chatting with my neighbor, the young guy with the premature graying, short khaki shorts with glaringly white legs, reading Eat, Pray, Love. No joke and if you have read my early tracks, you know how I feel about that. You mean I was going to be alone with my thoughts? That is a scary proposition.

Let's jump back to those headphones that I longed for and had no way of retrieving. It is that very pair of headphones that sparked these thoughts. Yesterday, I was returning home from California. As I unzipped the protective case to my Bose Quiet Comfort 15 Noise Canceling headphones, the guy sitting next to me without transparent pale legs, actually, he may have had them also but thankfully, he had them covered up. Focus, focus ok, he said, "Nice headphones. Must be great to tune everything out." I responded with a quick quip and said, "It is but I really wanted a pair of kid kicking the back of my seat canceling headphones but couldn't find any." He laughed and I considered that as fulfilling my neighborly responsibilities and slipped them over my ears. Instantly, with a flip of the switch, good-bye engine noise, hasta luego uninteresting conversation of the guy from Montana that designs eye glass manufacturing software pitching his career to the young woman next to him as if he were Matthew McConaughey talking about his upcoming role in a new cliche rom-com, and hello sanctuary.

The world is full of chaos. Being a spiritual person with a strong faith in God, I view the world as being full of moral polluters, temptations, and filth. I'm not getting on my soap box and going to start a rant about morality or the wickedness of the world. Instead, I am just relating it to my noise canceling headphones. I was taught my whole life to have faith in God. It has been a strength for me through many difficult times in my life. I find peace in believing there is more to life than just hooking up with whatever will let me, yeah I chose the word whatever, getting drunk to the point I pass out with my hand in the toilet and my body squeezed in between the toilet and wall like one of my college roommates loved to do, or searching out a temporary high huffing the trapped methane from house hold cleaners or decomposing human feces. Yep, people do that, its called jenkum. Don't ask why I know that. I relish the fact that I have something that keeps me grounded. Something that I can turn to when dreary reality around me invades my space and touches too close to home for comfort. To me, faith and the teachings that built it in me are just like my noise canceling headphones the difference being, I am not blocking out the crying baby three rows back because his ears won't pop, instead, I am blocking out the ruckus of the world. Those are my thoughts, judge them as you may.

Track 2 - The Great Idea

Welcome to the world of a traveling seminar sales guy. Every week I fly out from home to some magical location like Forrest City, AR or Beaver Dam, WI. Places that I have to battle the Travel Channel for first dibs. I will admit, it is a unique experience I have to visit so many places off the beaten path. The draw back is, I don't get a lot of time to go out and site see. Most of my time is spent inside hotel ballrooms or conference center banquet rooms. Days are filled analyzing who was to blame for the gaudy chandeliers and why no matter when the room was renovated that they all have similarly loathsome 70's era carpet. Just because you use mirrors and gold trim, it doesn't make it any classier. But enough about the interior decorating. Back to the important stuff, the great idea!

This week found me deplaning in Sacramento, CA with my regular band of misfits. Bob would be the speaker and Tommy the manager. I would play my regular part as sales staffer or, in other words, do boy. As Tommy and I made our way across town, we stumbled upon a taco hut. The place looked like certain food poisoning. We had to try it. Just as expected the flavor and value were amazing. As we enjoyed our combination of street tacos, burritos, and horchata, we decided that was all we were going to have the whole time we were in California. Breakfast, lunch and dinner would be enjoyed at a shady dive mexican taco stand. The further from a health inspector the better.

I decided to document our visits. Just so you know, it's late friday afternoon and we have stayed true to our commitment and enjoyed 11 straight meals from taco carts. You may be asking, 11 doesn't seem like enough? Well, neither of us like the mornings very much and I have a talent for sleeping, so we only had breakfast one day and we dined on a breakfast burrito (establishment not pictured... sorry). Here goes:

Sunday dinner: Chando's Tacos. Sacramento, CA. This is the place where the great idea was created.

Monday lunch: (no pic) La Rosa Blanca. Sacramento, CA

Monday dinner: La Garnacha, Sacramento, CA. We were told this is in a rough part of Sac-town where gang shootings happened. We said, "Perfect. Show us the way!"

Tuesday lunch: Mi Jalisco. Sacramento, CA. Best horchata of the week!

Tuesday Dinner: Tacos El Sabroso. Sacramento, CA. Hands down the most delicious tacos and burritos of the week. It's off Madison.

Wednesday lunch: Tacos Los Tres Hermanos.

Wednesday Dinner: Carolina's. Sacramento, CA.

Thursday lunch: Rosario's Tacos. Merced, CA.

Thursday Dinner: This place. We weren't sure it's name because the sign was busted and torn down. Just that fact alone made it perfect for our hunt. Merced, CA. Try the pupusas here.

Friday lunch: Taco Grullo. Stockton, CA. Not great. I'd recommend looking for a different taco truck.

I have two more meals in California, Friday dinner and Saturday lunch. I am going to call this a wrap on the track but don't worry, we'll find two more stands. I am not sure I'll wake up in the morning. I can feel my arteries hardening and my intestines loosening as I type but it is an experience that I would suggest everyone try at least once in there lifetime. If you have a taco cart that I have to try, let me know. Until next time. Peace up, A-town down.